I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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