Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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