Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
