I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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