His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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