Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
