took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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