I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
