So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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