His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
