please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
