I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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