The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
