I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
