girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
