he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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