She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
