Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
