i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
