I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
