Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
