I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
