she was so not down for the gang bang
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
