He uses pillows to masturbate.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
