Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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