i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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