He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize