I heard we made out
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
