had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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