I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
