Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
