if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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