Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
