It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
