"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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