I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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