Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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