he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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