its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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