just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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