Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
