sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
