I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just forgot I was standing up.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
