well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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