How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
