She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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