Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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