She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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