I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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