Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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