And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
