So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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