I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
