You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
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We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
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There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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