i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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