Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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