I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
