if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
do herpes really smell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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