it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
