So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
