You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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