I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My dick has a subreddit
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
