I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
