The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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