I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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