We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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