just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
