I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
