he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
